The Moment – End of the Week

Catching up from the end of the week.  I have a Thursday pictures to share, but Friday’s picture was overruled by the 9-year-old subject and I forgot to take anything on Saturday.  So a few extra from Thursday and today to make up for it.

judecribpullback

thursday || in Isla’s crib – we put him there when we need a minute because it’s contained and he’s fast and goes for the stairs if he’s free || he usually loves it

judeincrib

usually

swordfight

 they’ve been playing together some lately, which is awfully cute || this is sword fighting

hhhippos1

 sunday || Gabe showed her hungry hungry hippos || she loves it

hhhippos2

fallfamilyphoto

 we tried family photos tonight on about 35 minutes notice, with one hour to go before sunset || probably not our best idea…

The Moment – Tuesday and Wednesday

crumbs

 

tuesday – jackpot! || just like a puppy || I found him under the table, happily eating the crumbs from Isla’s muffin

crackers

wednesday – still making the crackers || still a bad plan || still can’t stop eating them

On Thoughts of More

It had been a long time since Tahd and I had been on a date, so Saturday night couldn’t come quickly enough since we were eager to bask in an evening alone together.  In public.  With fancy food.  And wine.  And no crumbs.  Which is also known as “without kids.”

I love my kids, but oh, how I love my husband!  These dates are like manna to me, taking me out of our usual daily routine of co-parents and reminding me of butterflies and starry eyes and why I fell in love with him in the first place.

Of course, I began the evening with a rousing conversation starter.  “So, do you want to have more babies?”  Nothing like jumping into a long-awaited date with two feet!

He looked at me with appeared to be a simultaneous gulp and chuckle, and I thought too late that maybe I’d better work on my skills of breaking the ice.  Of which I apparently have none.  In his signature phlegmatic style, though, he took it in stride with a, “Maybe.  You?”  And thus began the conversation.

littlegabe

After we had Gabe, I wrestled with whether to (and when to) have a second child.  Like, really wrestled with it, tears and anxiety and everything.  I’d never made a big decision for another person, and deciding to have a second child seemed like I was making a monumental decision for my son, changing his life forever without any input on his part.  Yet, all those hours I spent worrying were ironically wasted since I didn’t realize unexplained infertility would be taking the driver’s seat.  I can’t say I’m glad to have gone through that experience, but I can say I love my family like this, and I’m not sure we would have gotten to this point without it.    It was hard, but in the end there were good gifts.

_MG_1831e small

After we had Isla, I knew we’d try for a third.  I knew we wouldn’t try in the same way we’d tried for her – hormones and shots and procedures and blood draws were a thing of the past. If it happened, it happened, and thankfully, it did.

Jude face 3

Since Jude, I’ve been on the fence about more babies.  His pregnancy, delivery, and colic were so different and difficult that every bit of me screams a resounding, “NO!” when I think about inviting a repeat of that experience.  But he’s also becoming fiercely independent lately, and gone are our sweet, cuddly nursing moments of the newborn days, and I just can’t imagine not having that one more time.

Tahd and I both agreed that we really like what we have.  A family of five fits our lifestyle.  We can still fit into a regular car and hotel room, our current house – although cramped – works, and it seems like things are going to start getting easier from here.  We also both agreed that we don’t have to decide now, though, even though as Jude approaches a year and I’m getting closer to staring down the face of 40, I know we don’t have long.  And of course, who’s to say I could even get pregnant again?  History isn’t on my side.

I asked Tahd what he thought we’d probably decide in the coming months/year, and he said he betted we’d decide to be done.  I said the same thing, and he asked me if that made me sad.  I caught my breath while I told him it did, and that’s what gives me pause.  I’m not sure I want to stay in the baby phase, but I’m also not ready for it to be done.

How did you decide to – or not to – have additional children?  I’d love to hear other perspectives!

Also, I’ve been over at Loving Motherhood More completing a 31-day series on more intentional, engaged motherhood.  I’d love to have you check it out!

31dayslmmbuttonsmall

Back tomorrow with Tuesday and Wednesday’s pictures – I’m writing at Barnes and Noble tonight and forgot the memory card.

The Moment – Monday

feet

 

his feet || he does things with his feet all the time || like put toys between them and then use both hands to play with it || a lot a lot a lot of kicking || he kicks my c-section scar while I nurse him before naps, which is super fun and not at all oddly uncomfortable || last week during our school commute, he sucked on his feet, and I don’t know how he got them up that high while being strapped into his car seat || these poor little tootsies has so many foot pokes during his first few weeks of life; it broke my heart! || my favorite foot story is how my six pound preterm baby kicked so much and so hard that he messed up the NICU nurse’s genetic screening, something she’d only had happen with one other baby, whom she called a sumo baby

The Moment – Sunday

I had a moment this week where I caught my breath for a moment and realized how lovely things really are.  Yes, it’s busy and chaotic and difficult and uncertain, but I really love this life!

This week, I want to take a picture each day of something regular, something I’ve paused to notice.  Here’s Sunday’s…

sunday

sunday afternoon || little people in bed || gabe playing video games on my phone || tahd drowsing beside him || want to paint my living room || super want to paint the fireplace

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