I Just Don’t Know

If I don’t stop talking about it, might it go away?

If I don’t think about it, does it still exist?

If I don’t feel anything when I think about it, will it still hurt?

If I don’t believe, can it even work?

IVF.

Again.

November 29(ish), 2009.

New protocol.

New drug.

More shots.

Then it will be over.

What will be left?

Who will I be when I don’t do this anymore?

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Comments

  1. Praying that the what-ifs will be about how many babies are cooking and not any of the negative things.
    .-= Lisa´s last blog ..Iced Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies =-.

  2. Like Lisa, I hope you will be a mom of a new baby when this is all over. But Heidi, your post made me cry. Even if you are not pregnant after IVF, you will still be a wonderful, kind, sweet person. There will be mourning, surely, but it feels like you are already mourning before this has come to pass. I just want to reach through the computer and hug you tight.

    Actually, Ray and I were talking about you recently and I said that I wish I could offer you my uterus or eggs or whatever it is you need to make this happen.

  3. You’ll be Heidi, wife, mother,daughter. The focus now is new protocol-that is good! I’m so glad that they have opted for a new protocol. My dr did the same protocol the second time as a “diagnostic” tool. The most expensive diagnostic test I’ve ever had!! Try to take it each day at a time-so easy to say, so NOT easy to do. I know it’s so hard, to be at this point where you’re facing this last chance. I’m sorry that you’re at this point. Thinking of you.
    .-= RenovationGirl´s last blog ..Happy Birthday to Me! =-.

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