2010 Year In Review

*~*~the summary~*~*

:: it started with surgery that kicked my butt

:: then a pregnancy that came out of nowhere

:: and a little boy who fell in love with the olympics and canada

:: an unthinkable anxiety became pervasive in my mind

:: until I lost Mara on Mother’s Day

:: we grieved

:: we’re grieving

:: but we’re picking up the pieces

:: and learning that

:: life

:: is

:: good

:: I like being me

:: even though it sucked sometimes

:: and I like taking prozac because it helps me be me

:: it’s bittersweet to leave 2010 behind and start 2011

:: but the good outpaced the bad in 2010

:: and I’m trusting the same of 2011

*~*~the review~*~*

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
:: took my son to Florida
:: accepted help at a deeper level
:: learned to take pictures in manual mode
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
:: I didn’t make any resolutions; my focus for the year was to revel, and I definitely feel I took my reveling to a new level.  I’ll pick a new word for 2011.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
:: lots of people around me gave birth.  Tons!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
:: my baby

5. What countries did you visit?
:: just this one!

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
:: financial stability
:: a new baby
:: energy

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
:: May 9, because that was the day Mara died

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
:: surviving; it sounds sort of pitiful, but I’m very, very proud of it.  It was very, very hard.
9. What was your biggest failure?
:: I can’t think of a giant failure. Maybe there have been some, but I can’t think of any.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
:: sort of, I guess

11. What was the best thing you bought?
:: a trip to Florida and family photos while we were there; hands down one of the best decisions we’ve ever made

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
:: Gabe’s! He started school this fall and is proving to be an amazing little guy!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
:: I saw some pretty appalling online behavior, but thankfully nothing horrific in “real” life

14. Where did most of your money go?
:: medical bills, mortgage, and food.  Did I say medical bills?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
:: being pregnant

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
:: Feels Like Home, by Chantal Kreviazuk

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
a) happier, quite shockingly. When I’m sadder I’m much sadder, but mostly I’m happier.
b) a bit fatter, unfortunately. I picked up about 6 pounds this fall – not a giant deal, but more than what I weighed last New Year’s.
c) mildly richer since I started working a little bit

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
:: the bedtime routine with Gabe

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
:: generally being impatient.  It feels reasonable in the moment, but afterward I always regret it.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
:: with my wonderful family, and it was perfect – just not long enough!

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
:: yes, again and again

22. What was your favorite TV program?
:: the office

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
:: no, I don’t think I hate anyone. I don’t even think I strongly dislike anyone.

24. What was the best book you read?
:: Jesus Calling or A Perfectly Kept House Is The Sign of a Misspent Life

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
:: not really a new discovery, but there are some things by Lily Allen I fell in love with

26. What did you want and get?
:: to go to Florida

27. What did you want and not get?
:: to bring my new baby home

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
:: did I even go to the movies this year??

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
:: honestly, that was almost 12 months ago.  I have no clue!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
:: less sickness. The nose surgery was rough, the anxiety was beyond rough, the miscarriage was completely horrific, and the random sinus and strep yuckinesses were more than annoying

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
:: fashion concept??  I buy what looks fun and what I can afford. My favorite fashion “thing” is ruffles. Love me some ruffles!

32. What kept you sane?
:: the love and support of my family and friends

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
:: Bethenny Frankel

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
:: healthcare reform

35. Who did you miss?
:: Mara, my extended family, my grandmothers

36. Who was the best new person you met?
:: the most fascinating person I met this year was Kelle Hampton. I met lots of lovely people, though, so it’s hard to pick a “best.”

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
:: you are stronger than you know

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
:: I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

*~*~completion ritual~*~*

1.  What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in 2010?

strength. strength I never knew I had and strength I never wanted to find.  but strength I’m so glad to know I have. I want to go somewhere with it.

2.  What is there to grieve in 2010?

my baby. everything else was a blip on the radar. in a sense, this is good because it has put things in perspective. in another sense, it’s just sad.

3.  What else do you need to say about 2010 to declare it complete?

2010 was. it was good. it was hard. it was important. and it will be, even after 2011 is.

I declare 2010 complete!

As I stand up, I declare 2011 my year of M | A | G | I | C!

The word I had originally chosen for 2011 several months ago was alchemy, which is much the same idea.  Although I still like it, I was looking for something simple and something I could take in multiple directions.  So “magic” it is!  I want to create more magic in my life – from the little, mundane things like completing my daily chores, to making family dinner a more positive, magical experience, to finding the sparkle in every moment, to creating a spirit-filled home for my family, to inviting more radiance into my life, and to having some big, beautiful experiences that will shine as bright spots in my lifetime of memories.  I like that magic is a little bit earthy and mystical; I’m not quite sure how this is going to unfold.  2011’s magic will show me, step by step as I connect to each moment.