Right Now

I know it has been too long since I last blogged when I go to write a new blog post and I have to log back into my dashboard before I can proceed.  We’re still finding our groove here, and just as soon as I think I’ve found it Isla changes everything again.  That’s a baby for you…predictably unpredictable!

I’ve been thinking about lots of things – about depression, about hopes for the future, about Gabe and his school stuff, about Gabe and his talking back, about more babies, about debt and finances, and medical medical medical bills, about the second anniversary of losing Mara…But for some reason I can’t seem to get my fingers out of the way of my brain so the thoughts are stuck in my head for now.  This is foreign to me – usually it’s the act of writing that helps me sort through the issues and the finer points of what I want and what needs to be.  But right now my thoughts are wordless, and until I figure out how to put words to them they’ll have to stay stuck.  So today I’m stealing from a fun blogger, Meg, to elaborate on things I do have words for – the present.  The right now.

Right now I am…

watching || Celebrity Apprentice. I’m rooting for Clay Aiken.  I’ve noticed I have several small crushes on gay men – Clay Aiken, Brad Goreski, Andy Cohen, Jeff Lewis… Not sure what it is, but I love them all!

drinking || Nestle hot cocoa.  Well, not at this exact moment, but I will be soon.  This is what they stocked in the hospital kitchenette when I had Isla, and it reminds me of some of my favorite days.

wearing || owl pyjama pants and a blue striped shirt.  Hot. And yes, it totally doesn’t match!

eating || mint chocolate chip ice cream

listening || well, the tv right now, but lately Tahd has been playing a lot of country on Pandora

avoiding || buckling down on my diet to lose the 15 pounds I want to lose – as is evidenced by the above mint chocolate chip ice cream! I only gained 20 pounds while I was pregnant so I was hopeful that the whole postpartum weight loss wouldn’t be tough.  However, when I got pregnant I was 10 pounds up from normal, so I wanted to lose that weight, too.  I was 154 when I got pregnant and am currently stuck at 157 now.  However, I want to get back down to the low 140s.  Really, I’d like to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight with Gabe, which was 134.  I can’t believe I’m writing these numbers down.  In public.  But I figure I might as well because keeping secrets certainly doesn’t help me!

wishing || for a hair cut and color.  I’ll probably get the cut, but not the color because I don’t have the time or inclination to keep it up right now.  I’m dreaming red, though!

feeling || lonely.  I feel like I haven’t been making good connections with people lately – I’ve just kind of dangled out there on my own, partly because I’ve been very anxious and depressed and partly because it’s hard to put yourself out there.

missing || my Grammie.  I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately.  She died just after Gabe turned 1, and I wish she was here so I could introduce Isla to her.  She was a very special lady; certainly all grandmothers are, but this grandmother was particularly remarkable and I wish she was still here.

thankful || that Tahd is tentatively scheduled to be home for the next four weeks straight!  FOUR WHOLE WEEKS!  I’m so very excited!

craving || five hours of sleep in one solid stretch.  Oh, how blissful that would be!

wondering || if we’ll really be able to pay off a big chunk of our debt within the next two years.  We’ve been discussing a possible plan that seems attainable, but it seems almost too good to be true.  We have a lot of analysis to do.

praying || for a friend’s daughter, Adara, who is about 2 weeks younger than Isla and just had open heart surgery.  If you think of her please pray for her, too.  She needs to heal and eat and gain weight.

needing || to make a trip to Goodwill – not to buy, but to drop off.  I think we have four boxes ready to go, and if I had time and space I know I could have four more!  We really need to go through this place with a fine tooth comb, because there’s too much stuff crammed into our little house.  Clutter, clutter, clutter!

thinking || about the fun we had roller-skating today.  I spent a large part of my childhood on skates but hadn’t done it since then until Gabe’s school took a roller-skating field trip.

dreaming || of painting my dining room white!  With all sorts of brightly colored frames on the wall.  And this monogram project.  Anyone have any spare buttons?  I’m going to need a few.

loving || Instagram!  It just became available for Android so I downloaded it and have been having so much fun!  I’m slightlycosmo if you want to follow me.  Here are some of my favorites so far:

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Comments

  1. I highly recommend Weight Watchers. I, too, only gained a small amount of weight with Eliza’s pregnancy. I was hoping it would be easier to lose it once I had her. Lost 10 lbs after her birth, then another 5-7 from going dairy free because of her allergy and maybe 2 from running. Then, I was just stuck. I’ve lost 15.4 lbs since late feb. on WW. Honestly, the fact that I’m paying and I have to weigh in front of people makes a big difference for me. I’m down to 144, and I’d like to get down to 140, even though the lowest I’ve been in my ENTIRE adult life is 143. So, anyway. That’s my 2 cents. 🙂

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