I can’t count how many of these I picked up today!
I try not to focus on the negative, either in my writing or while living my life. But this week has gotten the better of me and I feel a little disingenuous posting about all the good and deep things without acknowledging the other. As well, I feel like I might explode if I don’t write it down and get it out. So I figured I’d whine in one run-on paragraph and be done with it – hopefully in writing and in real life, too. Feel completely free to skip over my “Negative Nelly-ness.”
jude is screaming. isla has been throwing tantrums. gabe had some time off school this week and has spent it tormenting the littles. my ears are bleeding. || my days consist of going from one screamer to another and picking up the same mess three, four, or five times a day. it feels like groundhog day, and it’s discouraging. || i think the transmission on our van is failing. || we have a home equity line of credit, and apparently because of new laws the particular type we have is being discontinued. which means we have to pay it in full or refinance it. but the last five years haven’t been good financial years for us and we’re only just recovering, so our credit is rough and because of the economy we’re well underwater on the house. this is stressful. || i fell down a flight of stairs yesterday and bruised one half of my anatomy. and broke some picture frames. and terrified isla. i hurt. || tahd has been gone. a lot. and he will continue to be gone for the foreseeable future. a lot. i’m overwhelmed. || my blood pressure was 164/90 today. this is not an uncommon thing. this makes me nervous. || jude has gone from waking up once a night to waking up fourish times at night. i’m tired. || i haven’t worn “real” clothes in days, just changing from one pair of pyjamas to the next.
I feel bad complaining, because…well, hunger. And poverty. And homelessness. And cancer. And divorce. And disabilities. None of which I have, and for that, I am very thankful. My life is positively magnificent in some comparisons. I have a wonderful family, a home, food to eat, and hope for the future. This week is just wearing me down, I guess. But I intend to claw (or maybe sleep?) my way back up.
“Of course there must be lots of Magic in the world,” he said wisely one day, “but people don’t know what it is like or how to make it. Perhaps the beginning is just to say nice things are going to happen until you make them happen.”
~ Frances Hodgson Burnett