As I Get Older

As I get older, I realize how short 80 or 90 or 100 years really is. When I was little, the span between Christmases was interminable. Now, I feel like I was 28 and I blinked and turned 40.

Me, maybe 4ish?

As I get older, I realize how much more compact history really is than it seemed to me when I was younger. The year I was born, there was still a living person who was alive during the Civil War. What???!? And odds are reasonable that at least my littles will live to see another century. If that’s true, my children and I will have existed in three centuries, which sounds like it should entail a very long time but is really only two generations. All of history is much more compact than it seems.

As I get older, I realize how much more complex the world really is. And also how much more simple it is than I used to imagine. The downside often relates to money. Or power. Probably both. The upside is almost always love. More love. Always love.

As I get older, I realize the “secret” is just hard work, and the “shortcut” is staying on the path. Stay, don’t stray. Consistency in the small things over a lifetime bears fruit.

My mama and me, 3ish?

As I get older, I realize my ideals are never going to be achieved, and–perhaps most significantly–that’s ok.  We’re all broken people, just doing the best we can. My body, my family, church, society at large, the environment…none of it’s going to be ideal. But real trumps ideal because idealism is imaginary.

As I get older, I realize that faith and questions can coexist. In fact, lately I’ve started suspecting that it’s not really faith at all if I’ve never questioned it. Doubts and questions don’t preclude faith.

Me (40 “ish”) and my own daughter, 6

As I get older, I realize that I really don’t like northern-ish winters. That giant glowing orb around which all of life revolves? Imagine that…it actually makes a difference! In my 20s, a friend and her family moved away to a warmer climate specifically to spend more time in sunshine. I didn’t quite get it then, but I get it now…especially right now as I stare out my windows into a sloppy March snowstorm.

As I get older, I realize that I think family dysfunction is mostly a zero-sum game. Not so much in a fatalistic way; more in a “Phew!” sort of way. Yes, I try not to make the same “mistakes” my parents made with me. Instead, I make other mistakes (and probably some of their same mistakes, too). Before I was a parent, I harbored two fundamental hopes about parenting: first, that my adult children and I would be friends; and second, that my adult children wouldn’t require therapy due to all my mistakes. Now, I still hope we’ll all be friends, but to the other issue, I’ll be overjoyed if they simply pay for the therapy themselves. 😉

As I get older, I realize that the cliches are true–the days really are long, the years really are short, and life really is precious.

And sleep. Sleep is precious, too. Which is where I’m going to go right now.

‘Night, friends. <3

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Comments

  1. Great thoughts! Appreciate that you allow me a peek through the window of your soul via your blog! Your words are powerful! Thanks! Always love you!!

  2. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge