Not counting the traditional “interventions” of  Clomid, injectables, IUI, and IVF, I thought it would be “fun” to do a post counting the other various ways we have tried to overcome infertility and have a baby.  If by “fun” you also mean “depressing” and “slightly nauseating when you think of the expenses involved.”

Brace yourselves.  This list is so “fun” it will exhaust you and you’re going to have to take a nap afterward.  It’s riveting.  And proves for sure that we are very dedicated.  Or very smart.  Or very crazy.  And quite possibly obsessed.

Ovulation predictor kits – honestly, this is pretty regular.  Everyone with any sort of fertility hiccup has probably done these, but they’re definitely added annoyance and expense.  And extra pee all over the toilet seat.  Joy.

Basal body temperatures/natural family planning – again, everybody who’s anybody has probably done this.  And if they haven’t, I personally think it’s a good thing to consider because you learn so much about your body and hormones and health.  It’s cheap, too, but incredibly high on the annoyance factor since you have to get up at exactly the same time every day and have to be certain to have slept for at least three hours prior to awakening.  Which, I might add, is a certain impossibility if you are a nursing mother.

Certain rules about the… um, procreation process – I remember watching an old Roseanne episode where she was trying to get pregnant and laid in bed with her feet in the air after they finished their stuff.  Naively, I thought it was insane. If you’re going to get pregnant you’ll get pregnant no matter where you’re feet are, or at least so said I.  And yet?  I, too, have found myself with my feet in the air.  Among other things.  <ahem>

Vitamins – you name it, I’ve tried it.  Not just to get pregnant – also to improve my overall health.  Fish oil, probiotics, folic acid, b6, b12, vitamin c, Fertilaid, vitamin e, vitex, digestive enzymes, vitamin d, baby aspirin, selenium, etc.  A very expensive proposition.  I think I have very costly pee.

Acupuncture – by far my favorite.  Fertility problems or not I’m thrilled to have discovered acupuncture.  Sometimes I imagine myself becoming an acupuncturist.  There’s the issue of not really preferring to touch people, but I think I could get over that.  Probably.  I think all infertile people – and all fertile people, really – should do this.  I only wish I had found it sooner, if just for the depression and anxiety stuff.

Chiropractic treatment – honestly, I’m not a fan.  For back problems it’s fine.  For depression, anxiety or infertility?  I think it’s mostly for the birds.

Allergy elimination – several years ago I undertook the elimination diet from hell after receiving the results of some allergy testing done through my chiropractor.  Seriously – I eliminated all gluten, cheese, milk, yeast, eggs, and a few other more minor things.  I have no clue what I ate during those four months!  I had an overall stronger sense of well-being, but my uterine polyps got much worse during this time so I don’t think it did one iota for my fertility.  So I quit.  Heh.

Feng Shui – I joke about this one, but after discovering acupuncture and learning (and observing) how energy moves through my body, I think energy might move through our surroundings in similar patterns, too.  So I sort of think there could be something to feng shui, especially since when I got pregnant with Mara I had actually implemented a few small feng shui principles.  Do I really think leaving certain doors open and putting certain colors in front of certain windows helps people get pregnant?  No, but just in case it does I’m going to keep using it.  And decorating things is fun, so there’s always that.

Castor oil packs – these, supposedly, break up stagnation and congestion.  Which implies they should be effective in dealing with uterine polyps and fibroids.  Also, perhaps I should have been bathing in castor oil these last few weeks for my respiratory junk?  As for fertility, I’ve done these packs on my abdomen and I think they do sweet nothing for me.  They feel good, though, so I figure they can’t hurt.

Fancy teas – I haven’t done these with much consistency so I can’t speak to their effectiveness.  But I love tea and seize any excuse to try new ones, so this works well for my overall tea addiction.  I have generally found teas alone to be too weak to effect much change in other areas, so I wouldn’t expect them to “cure” infertility issues.  But I don’t discount them as being effective at boosting what little fertility an infertile person might possess.

Herbs – mostly I’ve stuck with Chinese herbs, and I’m a big believer.  Not sure I’ve fully tapped their potential, but when I take certain herbs regularly my mood is so much more even and calm.  Love it.  Now if I could just remember to actually take the herbs…

Dietary adjustments – in addition to the elimination diet, I’ve tried some interesting food techniques.  For example, eating pineapple is said to improve implantation.  It is also said to impair fertility.  Go figure.  I’ve tried both.  Some people suggest eating chicken at certain points in your menstrual cycle.  Tried it.  Didn’t seem to help.  In a what I consider to be completely insane set of recommendations, someone suggested eating more full-fat dairy – especially ice cream.  I tried it, but it only succeeded in helping me gain a few non-baby-related pounds.  I’ve also tried avoiding dairy; supposedly it reduces inflammation, but I don’t think I avoided dairy for long enough.  I’ve tried food combining, juicing, wheat grass shots, a low GI diet, vegetarianism, and more.  None of it seems to make a difference except to my waistline, and sometimes my mood.

Exercise – exercise and fertility have a controversial relationship, and I’ve gone in several directions.  Namely, I tried incorporating more fertility yoga, which I enjoy but which is more relaxing than conditioning.  Along those lines, I also gave up running.  Some people feel that running places stress on the ovaries and that the impact can prematurely damage eggs.  But guess what? I’ve never gotten pregnant while doing yoga or while on a running fast.  So I decided I’d do what made me feel happiest.  Two months ago that included lots of yoga.  (By lots, I mean occasional…)  Last month it was dancing a la wii Just Dance.  This month it seems to include running.  I’m at 4 miles this week in 60 minutes, not all in one “sitting.”  The timing and distance leave a lot to be desired, but it’s 4 miles more than I went last week so I’ll take it.

Femoral massage – this one is a little hard to explain, so you’ll have to google it if you want instructions.  It’s another one I think has potential for some fertility issues, but you have to remember to actually do it.  Which I don’t.  And I don’t think it will mean the difference between getting pregnant and not getting pregnant.  I think it might help, but I don’t think this alone is curative.

Relaxation – of all the things I’ve tried, I think relaxation techniques have the most compelling scientific support.  The research is truly astounding!  And it helps with so many other things, too – especially anxiety and depression.  Really, relaxation is a win-win.  The downside?  It requires an investment of quiet time.  First, as it is in most households, time is at a premium around here.  Second, quiet time that doesn’t involve drooling and snoring is practically unheard of – the holy grail, for sure.  But I still aspire to it and am convinced by its stories of success.

Cleansing – I’ve done several cleanses, and I’m just not sure about them.  The grossest was by far my liver cleanse, in which I drank scads of unusual liquids, including something like 8 ounces of olive oil.  Bottoms up, anyone?  I felt monumentally sick the next morning.  Imagine that!  But my acupuncturist said it seemed to have helped, so I’m not sure.  However, it was unpleasant enough that I haven’t been brave enough to do it again.  Was probably worth the effort, but if you decide to try it, have courage!

When I look at that list, it amazes me that I’ve had time to accomplish anything else in my life during these last five years.  Between the amount of time spent researching each of these things to the time it takes to actually implement them?  Well, it has been a substantial investment of time, to say the least.  Cuh-ra-zay.

My latest efforts involve dhea and iron supplements, hormone testing, increased relaxation and exercise, and ongoing acupuncture.  I’m most excited about the dhea stuff.  Its preliminary research is extremely promising for people with premature ovarian failure, my latest diagnosis.  Hey – at least I’ve graduated from “unexplained infertility” to something more concrete.  That’s something, right?