Right Now

I know it has been too long since I last blogged when I go to write a new blog post and I have to log back into my dashboard before I can proceed.  We’re still finding our groove here, and just as soon as I think I’ve found it Isla changes everything again.  That’s a baby for you…predictably unpredictable!

I’ve been thinking about lots of things – about depression, about hopes for the future, about Gabe and his school stuff, about Gabe and his talking back, about more babies, about debt and finances, and medical medical medical bills, about the second anniversary of losing Mara…But for some reason I can’t seem to get my fingers out of the way of my brain so the thoughts are stuck in my head for now.  This is foreign to me – usually it’s the act of writing that helps me sort through the issues and the finer points of what I want and what needs to be.  But right now my thoughts are wordless, and until I figure out how to put words to them they’ll have to stay stuck.  So today I’m stealing from a fun blogger, Meg, to elaborate on things I do have words for – the present.  The right now.

Right now I am…

watching || Celebrity Apprentice. I’m rooting for Clay Aiken.  I’ve noticed I have several small crushes on gay men – Clay Aiken, Brad Goreski, Andy Cohen, Jeff Lewis… Not sure what it is, but I love them all!

drinking || Nestle hot cocoa.  Well, not at this exact moment, but I will be soon.  This is what they stocked in the hospital kitchenette when I had Isla, and it reminds me of some of my favorite days.

wearing || owl pyjama pants and a blue striped shirt.  Hot. And yes, it totally doesn’t match!

eating || mint chocolate chip ice cream

listening || well, the tv right now, but lately Tahd has been playing a lot of country on Pandora

avoiding || buckling down on my diet to lose the 15 pounds I want to lose – as is evidenced by the above mint chocolate chip ice cream! I only gained 20 pounds while I was pregnant so I was hopeful that the whole postpartum weight loss wouldn’t be tough.  However, when I got pregnant I was 10 pounds up from normal, so I wanted to lose that weight, too.  I was 154 when I got pregnant and am currently stuck at 157 now.  However, I want to get back down to the low 140s.  Really, I’d like to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight with Gabe, which was 134.  I can’t believe I’m writing these numbers down.  In public.  But I figure I might as well because keeping secrets certainly doesn’t help me!

wishing || for a hair cut and color.  I’ll probably get the cut, but not the color because I don’t have the time or inclination to keep it up right now.  I’m dreaming red, though!

feeling || lonely.  I feel like I haven’t been making good connections with people lately – I’ve just kind of dangled out there on my own, partly because I’ve been very anxious and depressed and partly because it’s hard to put yourself out there.

missing || my Grammie.  I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately.  She died just after Gabe turned 1, and I wish she was here so I could introduce Isla to her.  She was a very special lady; certainly all grandmothers are, but this grandmother was particularly remarkable and I wish she was still here.

thankful || that Tahd is tentatively scheduled to be home for the next four weeks straight!  FOUR WHOLE WEEKS!  I’m so very excited!

craving || five hours of sleep in one solid stretch.  Oh, how blissful that would be!

wondering || if we’ll really be able to pay off a big chunk of our debt within the next two years.  We’ve been discussing a possible plan that seems attainable, but it seems almost too good to be true.  We have a lot of analysis to do.

praying || for a friend’s daughter, Adara, who is about 2 weeks younger than Isla and just had open heart surgery.  If you think of her please pray for her, too.  She needs to heal and eat and gain weight.

needing || to make a trip to Goodwill – not to buy, but to drop off.  I think we have four boxes ready to go, and if I had time and space I know I could have four more!  We really need to go through this place with a fine tooth comb, because there’s too much stuff crammed into our little house.  Clutter, clutter, clutter!

thinking || about the fun we had roller-skating today.  I spent a large part of my childhood on skates but hadn’t done it since then until Gabe’s school took a roller-skating field trip.

dreaming || of painting my dining room white!  With all sorts of brightly colored frames on the wall.  And this monogram project.  Anyone have any spare buttons?  I’m going to need a few.

loving || Instagram!  It just became available for Android so I downloaded it and have been having so much fun!  I’m slightlycosmo if you want to follow me.  Here are some of my favorites so far:

The Years Are Short

It hit me afresh last night.

These days?

Are not going to last forever.

I love them.

This and That

I have random bits to catch up on tonight…

I made a reading list of the books I possess that I haven’t yet read. I divided them out into the ones I really, really want to read and the ones I’ll be happy to get to at some point. On my “Must Read” list? Twenty six. I have twenty six books I reallyreallyreally want to read.  Love me some books {apparently}!  My favorites so far? The Mysterious Benedict Society series (for kids but really interesting… a little Harry Potterish but not quite as mystical), Expressive Photography and If You Want To Write. Next week I’ll have new favorites, but that’s just how it goes!

On Tuesday the kindergarteners went on their second field trip of the year – bowling! They had recently completed a unit in gym class about bowling and the teachers thought it would be a fun thing to do during Easter week. I got to chaperone, and what fun!  We had lots of adults, each taking a few children to a lane. I think everyone in my lane bowled either a spare or a strike at some point during the morning.  Which – let’s be honest – is probably better than I would have done!

Gabe also had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon at which he was to get a shot. We have chosen to delay immunizations, and this was only the second one he’s had – probably the first one he’ll remember.  He was so brave!  It was amazing! The nurse positioned him carefully so we could each play a part in restraining him. Then she gave him a stern lecture about flinching. She needn’t have worried, though, because he didn’t budge – not even the tiniest bit!  I was very impressed!  I think it helped that he’s seen me give myself (and helped Tahd give me) a lot of shots, so they’re not that scary.  I guess there’s an upside to injectable fertility medication?

Afterward I suggested we stop at the store and get a little treat. I was thinking candy, but he’d been gobbling up the candy he got at his school’s Easter party, and once I saw him in Target I nixed the candy idea.

Somehow, Target succeeded in beating me out of $25 more than I intended to spend on a “little” present.

You have to watch out for those Target marketers.  They’re sneaky!

Gabe’s last day of school before spring break was Tuesday, so we’ve been having wild times since then.

Actually, I woke up with a headache on Wednesday morning, one that quickly progressed into a flashing-lights-nausea-throbbing-headache sort of migraine. Gabe, excited by the novelty of being home during a weekday, was content to play while I “slept” on the couch.  Note: this is what your child will eat while you’re resting on the couch with a migraine…

Yes, that’s a bowl full of ice cream sprinkles.

Yes, he took full advantage of my plight. 😉

We also did a few Easter-related things. We’re attempting to grow wheatgrass.  Did you know you can grow it in paper towel with no soil at all?

Gabe rehearsed for the rock concert he intended to perform when our family was together.  It was quite a concert.

That’s his fierce face. Lately he’s telling me that everything is “fierce!” <insert snarl>

And then it was Easter weekend! My family was all together and we celebrated the 30th birthday of one of my brothers-in-law.  I made the “cake,” which was actually an apple pie.

Nom nom nom!

Happy birthday, Corey!

Then it was Easter basket time.  I decided Gabe didn’t need any extra candy, so I bought absolutely none of it for his Easter basket. Instead, I bought a bunch of little toys. The idea sounded good in my head, but when I actually filled the basket I realized it was more like a Christmas basket. It was just full of a lot of toys!


Toward the end of the week I realized that I wanted to have something that reminded me of Mara for Easter. I had seen instructions on The Handmade Home for simple stuffed animals and thought I’d add a few more to our collection so Mara’s owl would have some company.

They both turned out a little differently and I think they’re fun. They’re especially soft, too, since their bodies are made with a minky fabric and they both have some flannel on them, too.  FYI – I didn’t measure a thing; I just eyeballed everything. And I sort of combined all the instructions she gives; so even though she gives instructions for 2 types of animals, I rolled them all up into one. Perhaps this is why I think they look more like pandas with floppy ears???

Gabe named his Fuzzy, I think.  I suggested Erma for mine, but Gabe didn’t like it.  Any suggestions?

Then it was Easter! My mom made a delicious dinner for our family…

Isn’t she cute?

And we mostly spent the day around the house. It was pretty low-key. Except for Gabe, who bounced off walls most of the time.

At one point he asked to take pictures, so I let him.  I love this picture.

Gabe wanted a picture of his orange Easter egg, but he wanted Mom to hold it up REALLYREALLY high! She’s doing her best, and I love how you can just barely see her and Kayla, trying hard to hold back their giggles!

Gabe also wanted to use my sewing machine, so I helped him make a small pillow.

You might think those ovals represent Easter eggs, but they don’t. They’re Mighty Beans. Which completely frustrate Tahd because they cost all of about $0.02 to make, yet they mark it up something like 5000% and sell them for a dollar each.

I feel a little more caught up now! 🙂  At least on my blogging. I still have 26 books to read…

And Tahd Smiles (but not too big because he just had a tooth extracted)

All week Tahd and I have been planning to take Gabe to an open house at a local astronomy observatory.  Having been something we’ve never experienced before we thought it might be fun, and Gabe has an affinity for all things science.  Thank you, Phineas and Ferb!  Tahd did his fatherly duty of keeping it a secret throughout the week, all while teasing Gabe with cryptic hints that frustrated and humored him.


We got to Friday and found nothing but overcast skies and angry rainclouds with a sprinkling of thunder and lightning.  In other words, less-than-ideal telescope conditions.  Boo!  So we revealed the surprise and its disappointment and gave Gabe three alternatives – going to a movie, hanging out at Chuck E. Cheese, and having a family game night.  Guess what he said?

“Are those all the options?  What about farm things? I really like farm things!”

So Tahd and I consulted.  It’s a little cold for any farm events, and the pounding rain and driving wind (um, hello wind advisory?) pretty much sealed the deal on anything in the Great Outdoors.  Lucky for us, Tahd works for a company in the agriculture industry and told Gabe we could go to his work and look at farm equipment. And that?  Is what he picked.

Tahd definitely smiled.

But, as I said, not too big because he had a tooth extracted today.  A really infected, really painful tooth that rendered him unable to chew, swallow, or even open his mouth.  Fun, right?  And he’s got a slightly giant swollen lump on his neck just below his jaw.  It’s right below the edge of the computer screen.  Convenient framing. 🙂

He wasn’t nearly as cranky as he looked – which is to his credit given the incredible joys of a tooth abscess!  We stopped off at our favorite destination – Barnes and Noble – between dental appointments, which was a fun little afternoon date.

We spent most of the day doing oral surgery types of things, which was a new experience for me because I never had any wisdom teeth.  Tahd teases me that I must not be very wise, but today the dentist said eventually no one will have wisdom teeth, so I’ve decided I must be genetically advanced. Tahd didn’t laugh at my joke, but I’m attributing that to his pain killers and stuff.  He’s clearly unable to fully comprehend my impressive humor.

But back to the farm stuff… I think one of my most favorite things to observe in my son is him imitating his dad.  We went to Tahd’s classroom where Gabe relished the opportunity to pretend we were his students while he illustrated his specialized tractor and said things like, “Please hold your questions until I’m done.”

See?  It’s an 1107. Not sure what the squiggly line is on the windshield.

Tahd and I cast furtive sideways glances at one another while we stifled giggles, enjoying every minute of our son’s mastery of bossiness.  Or at least I was – Tahd was probably distracted by the teeniest smidge of pain.  The look of delight in Gabe’s eyes while he scrutinized each piece of machinery and asked sharp questions left me with a contented smile on my face and in my heart.


We haven’t had the easiest week together; Gabe has been a little punchy and quick with the backtalk, and I’ve been a little impatient and overtired.  But tonight we existed in harmony and even had a little fun together, and it was refreshing.


Odds And Ends

Lately I’ve been working on a post that’s touching an especially raw nerve in me.  And I just can’t seem to get the experience down into black and white, in spite of the fact that I’ve written about it before.  So I decided to table it, just for a few days until I can’t help but write it because I’m drowning in the words.

So far? I’m at a slow trickle.

For the record, the post will be called something like “Spring.”  I have a few other posts in mind to write soon and don’t want anyone to think my post on meal planning is the one touching the raw nerve.  Although it does touch a nerve. Just not the raw one. 😉

It’s been a little intense around here lately.  Tahd’s out of town (again, but for the last time during the foreseeable future).  Gabe has scarlet fever.  Which I didn’t realize was still a thing since we don’t live in Little House On The Prairie.  But I guess it is, because it’s going around at Gabe’s school and he appears to be the lucky recipient.

Tahd also happens to have developed a tooth abscess since he left town.  Let’s review these issues:

  1. He can’t open his mouth much, if at all
  2. He can’t chew because there’s too much pain
  3. He also can’t chew because the infected tooth is so infected that it has actually risen somewhat and none of his other teeth make contact
  4. He has a sore throat
  5. His glands are swollen

After hearing all these things as well as listening to him tell me that he thought he’d be okay with a little Tylenol, I promptly concluded he was insane and arranged to get him a prescription for antibiotics before the infection moves into his brain.

Oh – and my internet’s out. I called my service provider who told me there was an outage. Unfortunately, they failed to tell me that the outage was with telephone service, not with internet service. So now my cell phone is tethered to my computer because this addict needs her fix! 🙂  And I have a service call for tomorrow night.  In the meantime, I’ve been catching up on a little scrapbooking project I’ve been wanting to do.  Namely calendars…

photo a day calendar layout

So it’s been an unusual week. Because of the scarlet fever Gabe has been home with me; however, he feels p.e.r.f.e.c.t.l.y fine. See?  Here’s his rash. It was practically invisible, never getting worse than this (and usually looking like he had no rash at all).

scarlet fever rash

There’s no “laying around on the couch and watching movies” for him. It’s more like “WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NEXT, MOM?  LET’S GO!  PLAY WITH ME!!! ENTERTAIN ME!!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!”  Mostly, we’ve been kicking around the house and the neighborhood.

chalkboard wall

As of about 4:00 today, Gabe was officially no  longer contagious, so he’ll be back at school tomorrow.  And hopefully I’ll find my words when I have a little more quiet around me.

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