What I really want to say…
|| my heart is very full this weekend. We celebrated Mother’s Day today because I have to work tomorrow, and I couldn’t imagine anything more perfect than a lazy day at home with Tahd and my babies.
|| this week marked three years since we lost Mara on Mother’s Day. I try to keep “her day” confined in my mind to May 9 to allow myself room for celebration on Mother’s Day, but I’m still a little tender around all these days.
|| lately, remembering Mara makes me think about all the women who desperately want to be mothers but don’t have babies yet or don’t have their babies here on earth. If you are one of those women, please know you are on my heart, and every ounce of my being hopes that your wish comes true. Soon.
|| I heard the baby’s heartbeat on the doppler twice this week. I don’t think that sound will ever get old! Unfortunately, it doesn’t do that much to allay my anxieties, so I try to limit its use pretty dramatically. Especially this weekend. I’m irrationally afraid of not finding the heartbeat on Mother’s Day again, just like with Mara.
|| Gabe’s class had a Muffins With Mom event on Friday. They each drew a portrait of their mother and we had to guess which picture was ours. It took me three guesses! With clues! lol This is what Gabe thinks I look like.
|| when I arrived at school, Gabe was milling around in the hall waiting for me. He saw me from a distance and immediately barreled toward me with his arms outstretched. It was the sweetest moment! He’s not usually exuberantly affectionate, so that hug was particularly special.
|| I think I love this advice on motherhood best of all:
“Before becoming a mother I had a hundred theories on how to bring up children. Now I have seven children and only one theory: love them, especially when they least deserve to be loved.”