slightly cosmopolitan

I mentioned last week that we were trying to plan a little getaway, and we did!  It took us a few versions of the plan before we settled on a doable Plan B, but I think it worked out for the best because we’re hoping to be able to follow through on our Plan A later this summer.

Plan A involved frequent flier miles and hotel loyalty points for a short trip to the beach.  Unfortunately, trying to make all the rewards line up on short notice is like trying to follow the rules on one of Gabe’s homemade games…impossible!  When I was nearing a panic attack over trip planning, we decided to shelve that trip in favor of one that would be a lot less anxiety-provoking to plan.  That’s how we ended up in the quaint little town of Galena, a tiny gem in the northwest corner of Illinois.

I have to admit that when we arrived and started walking around the delightful shops, I felt a little wistful that we had to exert ourselves anymore than it takes to lay on the beach and turn a magazine page.  But it didn’t take long for me to be charmed by the picturesque streets, and we had a really lovely time.

 

While we were gone, we tried to remember the last time we’d been away without kids.  I’m not certain, but it has been a while!  We decided we need to do this more often.

 

We ate at several yummy restaurants – Cannova’s and Otto’s, if you happen to be in the area.  They were really tasty and not super expensive.

 

I’d also recommend the Galena Garlic Company if you like olive oil and vinegar. I tried almost every flavored vinegar they offered, and each one was as delicious as the last.  They even have a chocolate vinegar – amazing!

 

 

Apparently they were having some Memorial Day festivities later in the weekend, but we were leaving before they began so I’m not sure what they were like.

 

 

These signs made me laugh.  The store wasn’t opened while we were there.  I would love to have seen what was inside!

 

My favorite find for the weekend was some amazing yarn – chunky and variegated in beautiful jewel tones with a little sparkle woven in.  I have grand plans to knit a new winter hat for Isla…in all my spare time, right?

 

 

We didn’t do any of the historical tours while we were there, but I feel like we saw all we needed/wanted to see on our little overnight.  I’d definitely recommend Galena for a fun little getaway.  More than that, I’d just recommend any sort of getaway at all!  It was nice to have full conversations, fully prepared meals, no housework, and limited access to technology.  Can’t wait to do it again at the beach!

 

They make me happy when skies are gray!

So.

Can we just establish two things at the outset and then move on?

1) My mental health is hanging on by a thread.

and

2) I feel dumb saying this because I don’t see any good reason why I should be so anxious and overwhelmed.  But I am, and it has prevented me from writing, thinking clearly, and generally being present in my life.  I’m terrified of losing this pregnancy, terrified of bonding with this baby, terrified of juggling a third child, and just plain terrified.  So I figured I’d better at least admit it and move on.

I’ll have more to say about it later, I’m sure, but not now.  I just felt disingenuous posting other things that make everything look peachy when the reality is I’m just squeaking by.  I’ll be okay.  I know that, but it doesn’t make the present any easier.

Moving along.

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In what is quite possibly the strangest craving I’ve ever had, I am dying to eat some hotdogs.

Hotdogs!  This troubles me deeply!

I wouldn’t call myself a vegetarian, but I do tend to avoid meat in most meals.  Primarily because meat is disgusting.  Right?

I’ll use chicken or beef broth and I’m always up for a few slices of bacon, but it’s a rare day that I sit down to a chicken breast of a thick steak.  So much meat.  All at once.  Gag!  It’s even rarer for me to sit down to a meal comprised basically of fake or mystery meat.  But I walked by the hotdog case today at the grocery store and could hardly stop myself from drooling!  So, I bought some.  Totally under the guise that they’re really for Gabe.  But they’re not.  I might have one (or three) of them.

I’m gagging a little bit thinking about it.  But I still want them.

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It occurred to me recently that although Isla’s still nursing, she doesn’t do it often and it’s mostly for comfort since I think my supply has completely tanked during this pregnancy.  With another baby on the horizon this year, I thought this would be the perfect time to take a little weekend getaway with just Tahd, since once I’m nursing a new baby I won’t be going anywhere for very long.

Commence frantic planning.

One thing I hate about Tahd’s job is the amount he as to travel.  One thing I love about his travel is the fact that he earns frequent flier miles, hotel points, and car rental credits.  In theory, these things should make the trip super inexpensive.  In reality, attempting to juggle all these free points and convincing them to play well together on one weekend?  Nearly impossible!

I think I have a plan now, though.  Just one last hurdle, and we’re good to go.  I hope!

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Mother’s Day weekend was so lovely!  I received breakfast in bed and had a wonderful meal with my own mom.

 

I had to work on Sunday, so my breakfast in bed came on Saturday, which was a nice adjustment.  Dinner with my mom was on Sunday after my work shift had ended.  It was the perfect way to end the weekend!

At the last minute I remembered I wanted to take a few pictures with the kids.  We tried.  Isla chewed her fingers and Gabe vamped.  I figured that was close enough to success!

 

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I forgot how much I love Crazy Stupid Love until we watched it last night.  So good.  You should watch it.

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I listened to the baby’s heartbeat today.  It was in the upper 160s.  People tell me girl, but I’m still thinking boy.

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It’s bedtime…night!

What I really want to say…

|| my heart is very full this weekend.  We celebrated Mother’s Day today because I have to work tomorrow, and I couldn’t imagine anything more perfect than a lazy day at home with Tahd and my babies.

|| this week marked three years since we lost Mara on Mother’s Day.  I try to keep “her day” confined in my mind to May 9 to allow myself room for celebration on Mother’s Day, but I’m still a little tender around all these days.

|| lately, remembering Mara makes me think about all the women who desperately want to be mothers but don’t have babies yet or don’t have their babies here on earth.  If you are one of those women, please know you are on my heart, and every ounce of my being hopes that your wish comes true.  Soon.

|| I heard the baby’s heartbeat on the doppler twice this week.  I don’t think that sound will ever get old!  Unfortunately, it doesn’t do that much to allay my anxieties, so I try to limit its use pretty dramatically.  Especially this weekend.  I’m irrationally afraid of not finding the heartbeat on Mother’s Day again, just like with Mara.

|| Gabe’s class had a Muffins With Mom event on Friday.  They each drew a portrait of their mother and we had to guess which picture was ours.  It took me three guesses! With clues!  lol  This is what Gabe thinks I look like.

|| when I arrived at school, Gabe was milling around in the hall waiting for me. He saw me from a distance and immediately barreled toward me with his arms outstretched.  It was the sweetest moment! He’s not usually exuberantly affectionate, so that hug was particularly special.

|| I think I love this advice on motherhood best of all:

“Before becoming a mother I had a hundred theories on how to bring up children. Now I have seven children and only one theory: love them, especially when they least deserve to be loved.”
Kate Samperi

Isla took a big bite of bar soap the other day in her bath.  When I realized what she had done and took the soap away from her, she looked at me, smiling, and said, “Yummy!”

Isla has started waking up before 5:00 each of the last few mornings.  I’m not a fan.  It doesn’t look like she is, either.

 

Gabe thinks I’m crazy because I won’t let him use a pocket knife to whittle a block of wood while riding in the car.  I have several problems with this scenario, and none of them involve me being crazy.  I find myself quite sensible.  And safe.

My mom came over a few days ago to get Isla for an hour or so.  Isla apparently realized what was happening, because when she saw Grandma on the porch she started chanting, “No! No! No! No! No!”  I let Grandma into the house and Isla looked at her and then chirped, “Bye bye!”

Gabe has informed us that he doesn’t have enough time to get dressed/ready in the mornings before school.  He wants us to wake him up at 7:00 and give him until 7:45 to get dressed.  Does this seem excessive to anyone else?

I love going to the bookstore.  We went today and each found a new book. It was an unexpected stop.  Had we been planning to go out I would have dressed Isla in something other than the insanity she was wearing (leg warmers, a sun romper, and a sweater, none of which matched).  And shoes.  I would have given her shoes.

Oh – and I heard the baby’s heartbeat on the doppler yesterday!  Big yay!